Here’s why your sex drive may be lower postpartum (and what to do)
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
If you just had a baby and only want to use your bed for sleep, we get it. Explore 8 reasons your sex drive may be lower postpartum, plus what you can do to stay connected.
If you just had a baby and the only thing you want to do in bed is sleep, congratulations — you’re officially in the postpartum club. And if your sex drive has vanished into thin air, that’s not just common, it’s practically a rite of passage.
Between the hormonal rollercoaster, the sleep deprivation, and the fact that a tiny human is now permanently attached to your body, sex might feel like the absolute last thing on your mind.
Even if you read every book about pregnancy and childbirth, you might not have considered how you’d feel about sex postpartum. Sure, you heard vague advice about “waiting at least six weeks” before resuming intimacy, but they forgot to mention that at that point, you might feel like a mess both physically and mentally.
Let’s break down why postpartum libido often takes a nosedive, how to have an honest conversation with your partner about it, and ways to stay emotionally connected even if sex is not on the table right now. Because the truth is, intimacy is so much more than sex — and the best thing you can do for your relationship (and your sanity) is to give yourself permission to take things at your own pace.
Is it normal to have a lower sex drive postpartum?
We know you were probably up in the night feeding your baby, so let’s cut right to the chase. Yes, it’s completely normal if you don’t have a libido right now.
Research shows that most women experience a decreased sex drive postpartum, especially in the first few months after giving birth. And yet, so many new moms end up feeling like something is wrong with them when they don’t immediately want to jump back into bed (at least, for anything other than a nap).
If this point hasn’t already been echoed to you, allow us to remind you that the postpartum period is a massive physical, emotional, and hormonal shift. Look at what you just did! Your body just went through this intense experience of growing a baby and giving birth — and for some, breastfeeding has become a full-time job. You’re healing, exhausted, and in many cases, feeling like you barely recognize yourself.
There is no rush to return to sex after having a baby. Your body needs time. Your mind needs time. And your relationship can absolutely weather this shift with a little patience, communication, and grace.
So if you’re wondering whether your missing libido is a red flag, let us reassure you — it’s not. It’s a sign that your body is doing exactly what it needs to recover, recalibrate, and prioritize healing before adding anything else physically back into the equation.
And when the time does feel right, you’ll get there. On your own timeline, not anyone else’s.
8 reasons your libido might be lower after giving birth
If your sex drive postpartum feels like a distant memory, don’t panic — you’re not broken. You’re just a new parent. And while society loves to gloss over this part of the postpartum experience, the reality is that there are very real, biological, emotional, and logistical reasons why you might not be in the mood right now.
1. Your hormones are all over the place: After birth, estrogen and progesterone levels drop drastically, while prolactin (the breastfeeding hormone) surges — actively lowering libido. This combo can leave you feeling drained and not in the mood.
2. You are more sleep-deprived than ever: Your body prioritizes survival over sex, and if you’re waking up every two hours, it’s not surprising if you have no energy left for intimacy. Sleep deprivation also raises stress hormones, like cortisol, which can suppresses desire.
3. Your body is healing: Whether you had a vaginal birth or a C-section, your body is recovering from a major event. Stitches, soreness, and pelvic floor changes can make sex uncomfortable — or just unappealing.
4. You don’t feel like yourself: Your postpartum body might feel foreign to you, and if you’re feeling self-conscious, it’s completely understandable that sex might not feel exciting right now. Healing your relationship with your body takes time, and that’s okay.
5. Breastfeeding can lower libido: Low estrogen while breastfeeding can cause vaginal dryness and decreased libido. Plus, the reality of milk leaks, sore nipples, and losing total bodily autonomy while nursing can make intimacy feel like one more demand on your body.
6. You are touched-out: When you’ve spent the entire day holding, nursing, and soothing a baby, the last thing you may want is more physical contact. Even if you love your partner, you may just need space to feel like your own person again.
7. Stress and the mental load are real: Your brain is in constant overdrive — tracking feeds, naps, laundry, and every little baby milestone. High stress increases your stress hormones, which can shut down libido, because your mind is too busy keeping everything (and everyone) together.
8. Your relationship has shifted: Becoming parents changes everything, including your relationship with your partner. Your roles are different, your priorities have shifted, and your alone time has probably disappeared. It’s not that you love your partner any less, it’s just that right now, your focus is elsewhere. And if you’re feeling a little disconnected, that can impact your desire for intimacy, too.
How to talk to your partner about a decreased sex drive postpartum
If your sex drive has disappeared, and your partner is starting to notice, it might be time to openly discuss the issue. Maybe your partner hasn't said anything outright, but you can feel it. Or maybe they have said something, and now you’re stuck between feeling guilty and completely overwhelmed.
First of all, you are not a bad partner for not wanting sex right now. You are recovering, adjusting, and adapting to a whole new version of life (and yourself).
If you’re pregnant right now and learning about the postpartum period, it can be helpful to have a conversation with your partner about what your needs may be postpartum, (and how they likely won’t include sex with them).
Of course your partner will want to remain close with you, but if your body is still healing and you’re exhausted, you should not have to explain why you’re not available for sex.
Give them a chance to learn about what your physical experience will be like for a while (healing, bleeding, possible postpartum depression, anxiety, or OCD) so they’ll know what they can expect and not expect.
If you are in your postpartum period right now and haven’t had a chance to talk with your partner about this in advance, there are a few ways you can let them know what you can and cannot do.
Here’s how to have that conversation without making it weird, stressful, or emotionally draining.
Acknowledge the change (and reassure them that it’s not about them)
You’d hope that your partner would be well-educated by this time on what your body has gone through and what it continues to go through. With that said, if they’re feeling confused or even a little rejected — you can let them know this isn’t about them.
Try saying: “I’ve been going through a lot and I'm still healing and getting back to feeling like myself again. My desire for sex or lack thereof isn't about you, and what you can do to best support me right now is just to be there for me without expectations.”
This reassures them that your lack of interest in sex isn’t personal. It’s biological. It’s hormonal. It’s exhausting. It’s a literal medical recovery process, not a reflection of how much you love them.
Set gentle, yet firm boundaries
If your partner didn’t realize that you’d need not only time to heal after giving birth, but also emotional and maybe physical support, it can be important to convey this clearly to them.
Try saying: “What I need right now is more sleep and less stress. Once I’m feeling rested and more like myself then we can talk about intimacy.”
If you’re feeling touched-out, say that. If you need more emotional connection before physical connection, explain that. The goal isn’t to promise the return of sex — it’s to help them understand what you need to even consider getting to that place again.
Remind them that this is temporary but you need time to heal
A lower sex drive right now doesn’t mean you’ll never want sex again. This is a season — one that will shift and evolve as your body recovers and your new normal settles in.
Try saying: “I know this won’t last forever, and while I want to get back to a place where we feel connected again, what I need right now is support and unconditional love. I’d love to have some time and space to adjust to my new life as a mom. We will find our way back to intimacy in a way that feels natural when the time comes.”
This helps set expectations and eliminates the fear that things will “always be like this” (which can sometimes be an unspoken concern).
Redefine intimacy during this period
If sex is off the table right now, that doesn’t mean connection has to be. Talk about other ways to stay close — whether that’s cuddling, holding hands, spending quality time together, or just rebuilding your emotional foundation.
Try saying: “I’d like to find other ways to feel close, whether that’s spending some time just with us after the baby goes to sleep or just checking in with each other more.”
By shifting the focus from “sex” to “intimacy,” you take the pressure off and create space for connection without making it feel like an obligation.
Give them the chance to be patient for you
This transition is hard on both of you. You’re going through the mental, physical, and emotional shift of motherhood, and they’re adjusting to a new dynamic too. It’s okay if this is awkward at first. It’s okay if feelings get hurt. The goal isn’t to have the perfect conversation — it’s to keep talking, keep connecting, and keep giving each other grace as you navigate this together.
Please remember that by giving birth you have just gone through a massive emotional and physical shift. While you may love your partner, you should not need to caretake for their feelings right now.
You can set gentle, yet firm boundaries to take care of your mental and physical health before sex comes back into the routine (here are 10 mindfulness techniques for postpartum mental health that can also support you). Let them see the full picture of what you’ve been through and where you are right now. Hopefully it’ll be a simple conversation and then you can work your way back to physical intimacy with time.
7 tips for staying connected to your partner postpartum (even when you’re not having sex)
Just because sex isn’t happening right now doesn’t mean you and your partner have to behave like two exhausted roommates passing a baby back and forth. Intimacy is about more than just sex, and in the newborn trenches, even small moments of connection can go a long way.
Here’s how to stay emotionally (and even physically) close without the pressure of being physically intimate before you’re ready.
1. Focus on non-sexual touch
If the idea of sex feels overwhelming, but you still miss physical closeness, start with small, low-pressure moments of touch. Is physical touch your love language? Here are seven ways to explore that with your partner.
Holding hands while watching TV
A quick hug in the kitchen
A kiss before bed
Sitting close on the couch without expectation
Physical connection doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It’s okay to ease back into touch in a way that feels comfortable for you. And if you’re feeling touched-out from baby care it’s totally okay to communicate that, and let your partner know when and how touch feels good.
Try saying: “I love being close to you, but I’m feeling really touched-out by the end of the day.”
2. Prioritize emotional intimacy
The postpartum phase can feel lonely, even in a happy relationship. Between the sleep deprivation, mental load, and constant focus on the baby, it’s easy to go days without having a real conversation that isn’t focused on diaper changes or feeding times.
Take a few minutes every day to check in on each other. (These eight ways to build emotional connection in relationships are a good place to start.)
Try asking: “How are you really feeling?”, “What’s been the hardest part of this week for you?” or, “What’s one thing that made you happy today?”
This helps rebuild connection beyond parenting roles and reminds both of you that you’re still partners — not just co-parents navigating chaos together.
3. Schedule tiny moments of quality time
Listen, nobody is expecting candlelit date nights right now. But finding small, intentional moments together can make a big difference. This is especially useful if quality time is your love language. (You can explore that deeper with these nine examples.)
Try having:
Five minutes of uninterrupted conversation after the baby goes down
A quick coffee date at home while the baby naps
Watching one episode of a show together (even if you’re half-asleep)
A short walk with the stroller to get fresh air together
These don’t have to be grand gestures. Just small, consistent moments that remind you you’re still a team — even if romance looks a little different these days.
4. Share the load (because nothing is sexier than support)
One of the biggest libido-killers for new moms? Feeling overwhelmed and unsupported. When you’re carrying the weight of baby care, housework, and decision-making, it’s really hard to shift into “sexy” mode. (Is your brain at capacity? Here are nine ways to offload your mental load.)
Try asking your partner to:
Take on some night feedings if possible
Handle the dishes, laundry, or meal prep without being asked
Give you mental space by making decisions instead of asking what needs to be done
Validate your exhaustion instead of expecting you to push through it
Sometimes, the best way to reconnect isn’t through romance — it’s through showing up in practical, meaningful ways. Because feeling seen and supported? That’s what lays the foundation for intimacy to return later.
💙 If you’ve been dealing with any stress or anxiety since giving birth explore the Breathwork for Postpartum Anxiety session with Kate Johnson.
5. Do small things to show appreciation
When you’re knee-deep in diapers, it’s easy to slip into survival mode and forget the little ways you used to make each other feel special. With that said, small gestures of appreciation can go a long way in keeping your relationship strong — especially when sex isn’t happening.
Are acts of service your love language? Here are four examples of how you might like to receive love right now.
Try showing your appreciation by:
Sending a quick text saying “Hey, I appreciate you.”
Leaving a note on the fridge with something you love about them
Acknowledging their efforts — “Thank you for handling the dishes while I fed the baby. That really helped me breathe for a second.”
Doing something thoughtful, like making them coffee or grabbing their favorite snack at the store
When you’re both feeling seen and valued, it creates an emotional connection without pressure — which, ironically, often makes intimacy easier to come back to when the time is right.
💙 Does your relationship need some TLC? Explore Nurturing Relationships with Tamara Levitt from our Relationship with Others series.
6. Laugh together (seriously, find something funny)
Laughter is one of the fastest ways to feel emotionally close to someone again. And when you break it down, parenting can be hilarious (and mildly horrifying), so why not embrace it?
Try connecting by:
Watching a funny show together
Sharing ridiculous parenting memes
Reminiscing about something hilariously disastrous that’s happened since having the baby (because we know there’s plenty to choose from)
Sometimes, a shared laugh does more for your connection than any grand romantic gesture. When life feels overwhelming, laughter reminds you that you’re in this together — and that’s intimacy in and of itself.
7. Get out of the “mom and dad” roles for a second
When every conversation revolves around baby sleep schedules, feeding patterns, and who changed the last diaper, it’s easy to feel more like coworkers in the business of parenting than a couple. Hoping to connect with your partner even more? Here are 30 good questions to ask to get to know someone more deeply.
Try varying the conversation talking about:
A about a show or book you’re both into
Something goofy you saw online
Something you’re excited about that has nothing to do with parenting
Even if it’s short, these moments remind you that you’re still you, not just “Mom” and “Dad.” And feeling like yourselves again is an essential part of intimacy.
Postpartum sex drive FAQs
What causes a decreased sex drive postpartum?
Postpartum libido takes a hit thanks to hormonal shifts, exhaustion, and physical recovery. After birth, estrogen and progesterone drop, while prolactin (especially if you’re breastfeeding) lowers libido and causes vaginal dryness.
On top of that, sleep deprivation, stress, and the sheer mental load of keeping a tiny human alive don’t exactly set the mood. Your body is prioritizing healing and survival right now — not seduction. And that’s completely normal.
How can I improve a decreased sex drive postpartum?
First, take the pressure off, this isn’t something to “fix” overnight. Start by prioritizing rest and recovery, as exhaustion is a major libido killer.
Stay hydrated, nourish your body, and consider pelvic floor exercises if you need to. Rebuilding intimacy doesn’t have to start with sex — small moments of connection, like cuddling or laughing together, can help bring desire back naturally over time.
Here are seven types of physical affection you can show in your relationship if you need some more ideas.
How can I talk to my partner about my low sexdrive after having a baby?
Be honest but reassuring. Let them know this isn’t about lack of love or attraction, it’s about what your body and mind are going through.
Try something like: “I miss being close to you, but I’m still adjusting. This isn’t forever—I just need time.” If they’re struggling to understand, suggest other ways to stay connected — whether that’s non-sexual touch, emotional check-ins, or shared downtime.
And if you feel pressured, set a clear boundary: “The more I feel rushed, the harder this becomes for me.” A supportive partner will listen.
Do you need help communicating your needs in your relationship? Explore these seven tips to help you get started.
When does sex feel normal after giving birth?
There’s no universal timeline — some women feel ready after a few months, while others take a year or more. Even if your doctor gives you the green light at six weeks, your body and mind might need much longer to adjust. Pain, dryness, low energy, or feeling disconnected from your postpartum body can all play a role.
When you do feel ready, take it slow, communicate with your partner, and use lubrication if needed. If sex remains painful or distressing, take a break and consider seeing a doctor or pelvic floor therapist — because sex should feel good, not like another postpartum struggle.
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