Having mom friends can be a lifesaver. Here's how to make them.
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Real talk: being a new mom is tough, but having other mom friends can help you feel less alone. Explore 8 tips to help you build your community and why it’s so important.
Here’s the thing people don’t tell you about becoming a new mom: Even though you’re never alone (say goodbye to solo bathroom breaks), you can still feel completely isolated. On your best days and at your lowest moments, you need people in your life who truly understand what you’re going through. These are your mom friends.
Mom friends understand how frustrating it is that your child only eats cheese and bananas and may give some advice or words of solidarity. They’re in it too — and they’re not judging you for any of it.
Of course, making mom-friends can feel daunting. It’s basically dating, but instead of bonding over cocktails, you’re side-eyeing each other at the playground while telling your kids to stop crawling up the slide. Do you ask for their number? What do you talk about? And most importantly, how do you keep this friendship alive when your life is a mess? The good news is, it’s much more stressful in theory than in practice. Here’s what to know.
What are the benefits of having mom friends?
Every new parent questions whether they’re “doing it right.” (Spoiler: doing it right is not a thing.) Still, having mom friends who can validate your experiences makes the entire experience easier and more fun. Here’s how these additions to your social circle to can make a huge difference:
They get the struggle (no explanations needed): Mom friends don’t need you to explain why you showed up 20 minutes late with a half-dressed toddler. They just know. They’ve been there. You don’t have to pretend to have it all together because they know no one does.
They remind you that you’re not failing: When you’re in the trenches of motherhood, it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one barely keeping it together. But guess what? Your mom friends are also making PB&Js for dinner, eating the crusts that the kid doesn’t want, and then forgetting about spirit day at school the next day. (There are too many spirit days, aren’t there?)
They help carry the mental load: Need a last-minute babysitter recommendation? A real-life review of the best sippy cup that doesn’t leak? Someone to remind you when school picture day is? Mom friends are like a collective backup hard drive for all the random-but-crucial information swirling around in your brain.
They make the hard days easier (and the good days even better): Sometimes you just need someone to text in the moment — like when your kid throws their yogurt against the wall or when you need a potty training pep-talk. And on the flip side? Celebrating the small wins—like finally getting your baby to nap without holding them—feels even better when you have a friend who understands why that’s a huge deal.
They create social time for both you and your kids: Playdates aren’t just for the little ones — they’re lifelines for moms, too. Sure, your kids might be running in circles and screaming, but at least you have someone to sip coffee with.
They bring you back to you: Motherhood can feel like it swallows your whole identity. Mom friends can help you hold onto the pieces of yourself that existed before kids. Whether it’s sharing silly memes, swapping book recs, or sneaking in a kid-free dinner date, mom friends remind you that you’re still you — not just someone’s chauffeur, milk station, or human jungle gym.
Why is it hard to make friends when you’re a mom?
Making friends as an adult isn’t necessarily easy — but when you add kids, exhaustion, and a schedule that barely leaves time to shower, it starts to feel nearly impossible. It’s not that moms don’t want friendships, it’s just that actually starting and maintaining them takes effort, energy, and availability — three things that motherhood constantly drains.
To start, scheduling is a logistical circus. Gone are the days of spontaneous brunch plans. Now, every potential hangout requires childcare coordination at the very least. And even when you finally manage to plan something, there’s a good chance someone’s kid will get sick, someone’s babysitter will cancel, or sheer exhaustion will make both of you consider rescheduling (again).
Also, motherhood is relentless. Yes, moms want to socialize, but sometimes relaxing on a couch in silence just sounds better than making small talk.
When you add all of this up, making mom friends can feel a little impossible. The good news is, it’s not. It just might take a little creativity—and a whole lot of grace—to build friendships that fit this chaotic season of life.
How to make (and keep) mom friends: 8 tips to build new connections
Forget the pressure of finding a “bestie” overnight, and instead, think of building mom friendships as collecting small, meaningful connections over time. Some will stick, some won’t, and that’s okay. (Still, here are seven tips to improve your friendships if you’re finding they’re lacking.)
Here’s how to make (and keep) mom friends in a way that actually works with your real, messy, unpredictable life:
1. Start with where you already are
You don’t have to go out of your way to meet new mom friends — just start paying attention to the ones who are already in your orbit.
That mom you see at daycare drop-off every morning? Say hi.
The one you always run into at the playground? Ask them how they’re doing.
The parent sitting next to you at swim lessons? Tell them you’re tired too.
A lot of friendships start with small talk. It might feel awkward at first, but you never know where a simple, “How old is your little one?” might lead.
2. Join mom groups or classes in real life
If you don’t run into other moms regularly, try going places where you will. This might include:
Mommy-and-me classes (yoga, music, swimming, gymnastics, martial arts)
Local parenting groups (many cities have meetups just for moms)
Storytime at the library
Stroller walking groups
Church or community center events
These places are designed for moms to meet each other, so the pressure to “break the ice” is much lower. As a bonus, your kids get to burn off energy while you chat!
3. Embrace the online opportunities (because leaving the house is hard)
Yes, we all spend too much time on our phones — but sometimes, screen time works in your favor. If in-person meetups feel overwhelming, start by making connections online.
Join a local Facebook mom group (there’s probably one for your town)
Follow and engage with mom bloggers or influencers in your area
Look for online forums where moms swap stories
Even if you never meet up in real life, having an online support system can be valuable.
4. Be the one to make the first move
Making new friends means putting yourself out there. If you meet a mom you click with, take a deep breath and say something like:
“Hey, I’d love to swap numbers and plan a park hangout sometime!”
“I’m grabbing coffee after this — want to join me?”
“My kid loves playing with yours — wanna do a playdate next week?”
It might feel awkward at first, but chances are, the other mom will be relieved that you asked. Worst-case scenario, she’s busy or not interested, but the next person you ask might be.
💙 Tamara Levitt’s Relationship with Others Series is perfect for anyone looking to cultivate new connections.
5. Adjust your expectations
Mom friendships may not look the way your other friendships do, and that’s okay.
Some mom friends are playdate pals, and you mostly talk while wrangling toddlers. Others might turn into texting buddies. And then there are the rare gems — the ones who become your go-to people for everything.
Not every connection will be a forever friendship, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t valuable. Embrace all different kinds of friendships, and don’t stress about whether they fit a specific mold.
6. Be consistent (even in small ways)
Friendships need regular interaction to grow, but when you’re a mom, finding time for big hangouts can be tough. Instead of waiting for the perfect moment, try:
Sending a quick text
Dropping a funny meme or video in their DMs
Scheduling standing playdates
Inviting them to do something spontaneous
No matter how you approach it, the key is to stay on each other’s radar, even when life is busy.
7. Check in regularly
If you want deeper connections, don’t be afraid to make the first move.
Send the text. Follow up on plans. Check in when you haven’t heard from someone in a while. It doesn’t have to be big, even a “Thinking of you!” message can keep a friendship going when life gets chaotic. And if they don’t respond right away, don’t sweat it. Friendship in this season is about grace and flexibility.
💙 Jay Shetty gives a step-by-step approach to deepening your friendships in 5 Steps to Stronger Relationships.
8. Give it time
Not every new mom connection will instantly feel like a best friend. Relationships take time to develop, especially when both people are juggling the chaos of motherhood.
If you don’t click with someone right away, don’t give up! Keep putting yourself out there, keep showing up, and trust that your people are out there. You just have to give yourself the chance to find them.
How to make mom friends FAQs
Are there different types of mom friends?
Absolutely! Just like in any other stage of life, not all friendships look the same, and that’s a good thing. Some mom friends are your ride-or-die, text-all-day-long kind of friends, while others are more situational. There’s the park friend you always see at the playground, the school drop-off friend you chat with in the morning, and the venting friend who just gets your latest toddler tantrum struggles.
And then there’s the been-there-done-that mom friend — the one who reassures you that, yes, kids do eventually sleep through the night, and no, you’re not a terrible mom if your four-year-old doesn’t eat vegetables.
Not every mom friend has to be your best friend. Every kind of support matters.
Why is it so hard to make mom friends?
Your time, energy, and patience are already stretched to the limit, and adding “make new friends” to the to-do list can feel impossible. It’s not that you don’t want friends, it’s just that coordinating schedules, mustering up social energy, and following through on plans when you’re running on four hours of sleep is a lot.
It’s also hard because friendships look different in this season of life. You swap long, late-night dinners for quick check-ins between diaper changes. This doesn’t mean something is wrong. It just means your circumstances have shifted.
How do I ask another mom to be friends in real life?
Most moms want more mom friends, they just don’t know how to take the first step. So be the brave one and take one for the team!
It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. Just build on the conversation you were having.
“Want to grab lunch some time?”
“We were just going to the playground. Would you like to come?”
“We’re heading to the library storytime on Friday if you ever want to join!”
It might feel like middle school all over again, but everyone’s a lot more mature now. We promise.
Can I make mom friends online?
Yes! And honestly, for some moms, online friendships are easier to manage than in-person ones. Between parenting groups on social media and various apps, there are so many ways to connect with other moms from the comfort of your couch (and in your pajamas).
Online friendships are great because they take the pressure off of in-person scheduling. You can send a message, comment on a post, or hop into a group chat whenever you have a spare second (which we know is probably at 11pm when your kid finally stops asking for water). And if you do end up clicking with someone? It’s totally possible to take that connection offline and turn it into a real-life friendship. You might ask if they have any favorite mommy-and-me classes, play-spaces, or parks you could join them at.
How can I make friends with other moms if I’m an introvert?
If the idea of walking up to a stranger at the playground and striking up a conversation makes you break out in a sweat, you’re not alone. Introverts can make friends too.
Start with low-pressure interactions. Engage in online groups or send a quick message to someone you already have a connection with. Look for structured activities, like a baby music class or a moms’ book club, where conversation happens naturally. And when you do find a mom you want to connect with, keep it simple. A one-on-one coffee date or a casual park meetup might feel way more doable than a big group playdate.
Most importantly, remember that quality over quantity is key. You don’t need a huge social circle — you just need a couple of solid, understanding friends who get you. And if that friendship is built on the mutual agreement that social exhaustion is real and texting is totally enough some days? Even better.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life.
Images: Getty
