Why moms these days are so stressed (and how they can cope)
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
It's no secret that moms are more stressed than ever, and it's taking a toll on their mental and physical health. Explore 9 tips to help moms cope with all that stress.
Ask any mom how she’s doing, and one word will likely come up again and again: stressed. After all, she’s waking up already exhausted, carrying the weight of a never-ending to-do list, and probably feeling like she’s one spilled sippy cup away from a full-blown meltdown.
If that wasn’t enough, modern motherhood tends to come with an extra layer of impossible expectations. Be a hands-on mom, but don’t lose yourself. Have a fulfilling career, but don’t let it interfere with family time. Prioritize self-care, but only in the five minutes between a tantrum and a grocery run.
Stress is pretty much woven into the fabric of a mom’s daily life, but there are manageable and realistic ways to cope so that you’re not a full zombie at the end of every day. Here’s what you need to know about mom stress and some (actually) doable strategies that can help you breathe a little easier.
What is mom stress?
Mom stress is a term that refers to the nonstop mental, emotional, and physical load carried by mothers. After all, in many households, moms are the default parent, household manager, chef, and human search engine. They bear the invisible yet crushing weight of keeping everything and everyone running smoothly all while battling the guilt that whispers they should be doing even more.
What causes mom stress?
If mom stress had a recipe, it would most likely involve exhaustion, unrealistic expectations, and the constant sound of someone yelling “Moooom!” in the background. It’s a never-ending buffet of pressure, responsibility, and a to-do list that regenerates the second you cross something off.
Here are some common reasons why moms can be so stressed:
The mental load: Even when you’re sitting down, you’re thinking about appointments, groceries, and whose turn it is to bring orange slices for soccer.
Lack of support: Motherhood used to come with a village. Now, many moms are doing it alone or, frustratingly, carrying the majority of the workload, even with a partner in the picture.
Sleep deprivation: Newborn wake-ups, bad dreams, and having a brain that just won’t shut off can make sleep a rare luxury. This also can make everything harder when you’re running on empty.
Work-life (im)balance: Working moms can feel pressure to prove they’re still fully committed to their jobs, while stay-at-home moms can feel pressure to prove they’re “doing enough.” This can lead to burnout in both cases.
Mom guilt: It can feel like no matter what choice you make, someone, somewhere, has an opinion about why you’re doing it wrong.
Financial stress: Kids are expensive. Diapers, daycare, and endless snacks can all add up and make money worries a major stressor in your life.
No time for self-care: Between work, kids, and household chaos, carving out even five minutes for yourself can feel impossible, leaving you feeling completely drained.
Can mom stress impact your health?
Stress from being a mom can be a full-body experience and a real emotional burden. It can impact your digestion, your sleep, and even your immune system. It’s that tightness in your shoulders, the constant headaches, the irritability that flares up over something small, and the exhaustion that never seems to go away.
Chronic stress can also change the way your body functions. When your body is frequently in a high state of stress, it can actually get 'used to' constantly being in fight-or-flight mode and elevated levels of stress hormones, like cortisol, which can take quite a toll on your body.
Mom stress can also lead to:
Anxiety and depression: When stress levels stay high for too long, they can tip over into chronic anxiety, irritability, and even depression. If you’re feeling on edge all the time, losing your patience frequently, or feeling completely drained even after a full night’s rest, you’re probably dealing with stress.
Burnout: Feeling numb and checked-out over small things like deciding what to eat for dinner may be a sign of burnout, and this usually happens because of too much stress with too little recovery time.
Weakened immune system: Chronic stress could wear down your immune system and make you more susceptible to colds, infections, and whatever virus your kid brought home from school.
Digestive issues: Stress can throw your gut completely out of whack and could potentially lead to bloating, stomach pain, and digestive problems.
Insomnia: Stress can make it hard to fall asleep, stay asleep, and wake up feeling rested, especially when your brain is just replaying every mistake you made throughout the day.
Heart health risks: Chronic stress can be linked to high blood pressure, increased risk of heart disease, and other cardiovascular issues.
How to relieve mom stress: 9 tips to help you cope
Completely relieving all of your stress is unrealistic. But, there are simple strategies that you can add into your day that don’t involve hiding in the pantry for two minutes while eating candy. (Though you might want to do that too.)
Here are nine practical tips that can help to relieve some of your mom stress.
1. Lower your expectations
Your house doesn’t have to be spotless, you don’t have to sign up for every PTA event, and you don’t have to be everything to everyone all the time. Instead, aim for done. Done is better than perfect.
Your laundry will still be there tomorrow and the world won’t end if your kid eats chicken nuggets two nights in a row. Give yourself permission to do enough instead of doing it all.
2. Delegate like your sanity depends on it
Asking for help is a survival skill. Your kids can help pick up their own toys or set the table for dinner. Your partner (if you have one) can pack the lunches. Be direct about what you need. (If you struggle with asking for help, here are seven tips to help.)
3. Connect with other moms
When you feel like you’re the only one struggling, it can be easy to spiral. Try to remind yourself that every mom struggles with something. No one is perfect.
To help you feel less alone in the chaos, find a friend who gets it or text a fellow mom friend when you’re on the brink. You could also join a moms’ group (here’s how to find—or make—one).
4. Redefine self-care
A lot of people think that self-care is this extravagant thing, but really it can be very simple. All you have to do is find something that refuels you and doesn’t feel like another task on your to-do list.
Consider sitting in silence for five minutes after the kids go to bed or taking a 10-minute walk without anyone touching you. If you like to read, consider checking out a book that isn’t about parenting and reading it little by little.
💙 Even a two-minute meditation, like Breath SOS from the Ease Parenting Stress series with Jeff Warren, could be a simple and supportive add to your self-care routine.
5. Practice saying no
Overcommitting can be a fast track to burnout. Aim to protect your time like it’s a rare and valuable resource — because it is.
You do not have to bake homemade treats for the school fundraiser or say yes to every playdate invitation. You’re allowed to politely draw boundaries. If it’s hard for you to say no, here are 30-plus ways to do it without feeling guilty afterwards.
6. Move your body
Exercise in a way that actually feels good to you. Your goal should be to release some of that pent-up stress in a way that feels doable.
Dancing in the kitchen while making dinner, doing some light stretching before bed, and taking a short walk can all be great ways to move your body without overexerting yourself. Also, here are six morning stretches you could try if you’re looking to add some easy movement into the start of your day.
7. Get more sleep
Sleep isn’t always going to be an option for you, but there are still at least some you can find ways to rest so that you’re not completely running on fumes.
Consider taking a power nap if your schedule allows or swapping out late-night scrolling for actual downtime. You could also try going to bed earlier when you can (even if it means skipping an episode of your favorite TV show).
💙 A Sleep Story can be an entertaining way to drift off. You may want to consider listening to Neighborhood Gossip with Connor Ratliff.
8. Talk about your stress
Instead of suffering in silence, tell your partner just how overwhelmed you are.
Aim to be as direct and as specific as possible. Your stress is not just your problem to manage alone. Instead of just saying, “I’m so overwhelmed,” try, “I need you to handle bath time and bedtime on Tuesdays and Thursdays so I can have a break.”
9. Ditch the guilt
Mom guilt often tells you that you’re failing when you’re already doing so much. It convinces you that if you don’t do everything perfectly, then you’re not doing it “right.” It’s not true. You’re already enough. Your kids don’t need a perfect mom, they just need you.
💙 Listen to Learn to Let Go with Tamara Levitt if you’re having a hard time releasing your guilt.
Mom stress FAQs
Why am I so stressed as a mom?
Being a mom typically means you have to juggle everything and with very little support and rest. Modern motherhood comes with an impossible set of societal expectations: You’re supposed to raise kind, well-adjusted kids while also keeping the house clean, staying on top of work, maintaining a social life, and somehow still making time for self-care.
On top of that, you’re carrying the invisible mental load of remembering doctor’s appointments, school schedules, and that it’s “Pink Shirt Day” at school. It’s nonstop.
What are quick stress relief techniques for busy moms?
If you’re a busy mom with zero time, here are a few quick and easy ways that can help you reset:
Step outside for a few deep breaths.
Put on your favorite song and dance it out for three minutes.
Do a gentle stretch while waiting for the microwave to finish (here are six stretches to try).
Sit down with your favorite beverage (even if it’s only for a minute).
Engage your senses by holding something warm or smelling a calming candle.
Do a quick body scan to help release tension in your body.
How can I talk to my partner about mom stress?
Many moms tend to bottle up their stress until they hit a breaking point. Instead of waiting until you’re at your limit, try having an open conversation with your partner. Ask them directly for more help and be specific with your ask.
If you’re feeling over-extended, you could say. “I’m feeling overwhelmed because I handle most of the parenting tasks. From now on, can you handle school pick-up on the weekdays?”
Also as much as possible, remind yourself that you don’t have to do everything just because you’re the mom, especially if you have a partner or co-parent. They should also be sharing the mental load. Stress relief starts with redistributing the work.
How does sleep deprivation contribute to mom stress?
Sleep and stress can have a toxic relationship. When you don’t get enough rest, everything can feel harder, and when you’re stressed, it’s usually that much more difficult to sleep. It’s a vicious cycle.
Sleep deprivation can make it harder to regulate emotions and weaken your immune system. It can also increase your anxiety.
If getting more sleep isn’t realistic for you right now, try looking for ways to sneak in rest — even if it’s just lying down for a few minutes and closing your eyes.
When should a mom seek professional help for stress or anxiety?
If your stress is starting to feel unmanageable, consider reaching out for support. Panic attacks, constant irritability, and persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness can be a sign that it’s time to talk to your doctor or look into therapy. Professional help can really help make a difference.
Your mental health is very important and motherhood is hard enough. You don’t have to carry all the weight of it alone. Try to remind yourself that seeking help isn’t a weakness. It’s a way to take care of yourself so you can keep showing up for the people who need you.
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