Yes, separation anxiety happens to moms too. These 7 tips can help
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Leaving your baby—even if it’s for a fun night out—isn't always so simple. Explore what maternal separation anxiety looks like, why it happens, and get tips to feel better.
After spending time in your newborn bubble, it’s natural for any new parent to want to reenter the world for a bit — maybe for a long overdue date night or even just a quick grocery store run.
But what if leaving the house feels harder than you expected? What happens when you’re the one crying as soon as your baby is out of sight?
Nope, you’re not the only person who’s experienced this, and there’s nothing wrong with you. What you’re feeling is maternal separation anxiety — the quiet, gut-wrenching feeling that something is just off when you’re away from your baby.
If you’ve ever found yourself clutching the baby monitor like a lifeline or sneaking one last sniff of your baby’s sweet little head before heading out, you’re not alone.
So, why does maternal separation anxiety happen? And how can you manage it without feeling like your heart is being ripped out of your chest every time you say goodbye? Let’s explore.
What is maternal separation anxiety?
Maternal separation anxiety is that awful, anxious feeling that hits you when you’re away from your baby. You know the one — the worry, the guilt, the overwhelming sense that you should be there even when you logically know your baby is fine. It can make leaving feel like a huge event, whether it’s for a necessary reason (like work) or something that’s supposed to be fun (like a nice dinner out).
Now, let’s be clear: Missing your baby is normal. Loving your child so much that you feel a little empty without them is too. However, maternal separation anxiety is more than that. It’s the voice in your head asking over and over if they need you and the racing thoughts convincing you that something will go wrong the second you step away — or that you’ll miss a big milestone. It’s that pit in your stomach that makes it hard to relax, even when you’re finally getting the break you desperately need.
And, guess what? You’re not just being dramatic or overprotective like some people may tell you. This all-consuming feeling isn’t just in your head — it’s literally wired into your brain.
What are the symptoms of separation anxiety in moms?
Separation anxiety in moms doesn’t always look like an unexpected breakdown in the daycare parking lot (though, let’s be real, that happens too). Sometimes, it’s more subtle, showing up as lingering unease, a restless mind, or the inability to fully enjoy your time away because part of you is convinced you should be somewhere else.
The symptoms are different for everyone, but if any of these sound familiar, you might be dealing with maternal separation anxiety:
1. Guilt that won’t go away: Even if your baby is with a trusted caregiver, and even if they’re completely fine, you still feel like you’re doing something wrong by leaving. A tiny (or not-so-tiny) voice in your head keeps asking if you should be spending time away from your baby.
2. Constant worry about your baby’s wellbeing: You find yourself wondering if you’ve somehow scarred them by leaving them for even just a few hours. Are they eating? Crying? Are they okay? Even if you know they’re safe, your brain doesn’t seem to care.
3. The irrational fear that something will go wrong: You’d never leave your baby with someone you didn’t trust, but what if something bad happens anyway? Even if there’s no actual reason to worry, you might continue to imagine worst-case scenarios.
4. Feeling like no one else can care for your baby the “right” way: It’s not that you don’t trust your partner or caregiver, it’s just that they don’t do things like you do. Will they remember to burp the baby after feeding them? Will they give them their favorite stuffed animal before nap time? Can they comfort them like you would?
5. Avoiding time away because it’s easier to just stay: You might catch yourself skipping plans, declining invitations, or delaying daycare because the idea of being apart from your baby is just too overwhelming. Even if you know a break would be good for you, staying feels safer.
6. Trouble enjoying yourself when you’re away: So, you finally left the house. Great! Except now, instead of enjoying your freedom (even if it’s just a peaceful Target run), you’re glued to your phone, checking for updates, and fighting the urge to text to check in on the baby.
7. Physical symptoms of anxiety: Separation anxiety isn’t just in your head. You can feel anxiety in your body too. Some moms experience a racing heart, nausea, restlessness, trouble sleeping, or even full-blown panic when they’re away from their baby.
Why do moms get separation anxiety?
Maternal separation anxiety isn’t just about missing your baby. Actually, it’s a mix of biology and hormones. Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, makes you want to be close to your baby, while cortisol, the stress hormone, can make separation feel like a threat, even when you know your baby is safe. Your body is wired to keep you together, so stepping away can feel instinctively wrong.
Then there’s the mental load of motherhood. Even when you’re not with your baby, your brain is running through an endless checklist of routine questions: Are they eating? Are they sleeping? Are they okay without me? Because moms are often the default parent, letting go, even for a little while, can feel impossible.
And let’s not forget the mom guilt. Society tells us that good moms are always available, so when you’re away (even for something like going to work), it’s easy to feel like you’re failing.
Fear of missing milestones can also add to the anxiety. What if they roll over, take their first steps, or say “mama” when you’re not there? Even though you know you’ll be present for plenty of big moments, the idea of missing even one can be heartbreaking. If you already struggle with anxiety or postpartum depression, these feelings can hit even harder, sometimes making separation feel unbearable.
The good news? You’re not stuck here. Separation anxiety might feel overwhelming now, but with time, practice, and support, it does get easier. And stepping away doesn’t make you a bad mom — it just makes you human.
How to get more comfortable leaving your baby: 7 tips to help moms feel better
Okay, so we’ve established that maternal separation anxiety is a real thing. It’s not just in your head, and it’s not something you can magically get over just because someone tells you to relax. (Seriously, has that advice ever worked on anyone?)
Still, you can make it easier on yourself. No, you won’t wake up one day suddenly thrilled to walk out the door without a second thought, but with a few small shifts, you can get to a place where leaving doesn’t feel like your heart is being ripped out of your chest.
1. Start small with baby steps (for you, not just your baby)
If the thought of a full day apart sends you into a panic spiral, then don’t! Try something small like a quick coffee run, a solo grocery trip, or a short walk around the block while your baby stays home with your partner or a trusted caregiver.
Think of it like exposure therapy. The more you do it, the more your brain learns that it’s okay. Your baby will survive. You will survive. And over time, it’ll start to feel less like an emotional crisis and more like, well, just a normal part of life.
2. Choose caregivers you trust (and trust yourself to choose them)
A huge part of separation anxiety comes from the fear that no one can take care of your baby like you can. And while it’s true that no one will do everything exactly the way you do, that doesn’t mean they won’t do a great job.
Whether it’s your partner, a grandparent, a babysitter, or daycare staff, choosing someone you genuinely trust can ease your mind. And remember that you’re not just trusting them, but you’re trusting yourself to have picked the right person, too.
💙 Learn about the importance of Building Trust in yourself and others with this personal experience from LeBron James.
3. Set up a check-in system (but don’t overdo it)
If texting the sitter for an update helps, go for it. If a quick picture of your baby mid-playtime makes you feel better, ask for one. But try to set boundaries, as constant check-ins can actually increase anxiety instead of easing it, because you’re reinforcing the idea that something might be wrong.
Instead, agree on a set update (like a check-in text after lunch or a photo at naptime) so you can have peace of mind without refreshing your phone every two minutes.
💙 Get comfortable setting kind and clear limits with yourself (and others) with help from the Daily Calm’s session on Boundaries.
4. Reframe your thinking (because your baby is gaining something, too)
It’s easy to focus on what you’re missing when you’re away. Instead, try to think about what your baby is gaining.
They’re building independence. They’re forming new attachments. They’re learning that other people can love and care for them, too, which is actually so good for their development.
Not to mention, you’re showing them that moms have lives, too. You’re demonstrating to them that it’s okay to take breaks and that being apart doesn’t mean love disappears. Which is an important lesson for them to learn.
5. Create a goodbye ritual (because consistency helps both of you)
Saying goodbye might like emotional whiplash, so ease the process by creating a simple, predictable goodbye ritual.
Maybe it’s a special hug, a silly handshake, or a quick “Mommy loves you, see you soon!” Whatever it is, doing the same thing every time can help signal to your baby (and to you) that goodbyes aren’t a big, scary deal. They’re just part of life, and, as Daniel Tiger would say, “Grown-ups come back.”
6. Find ways to ground yourself when anxiety creeps in
When you feel the panic start to bubble up, try a grounding technique. Below, you’ll find a few of our favorites that you can do anytime, anywhere.
Deep breathing: Inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four and repeat.
Name what’s real: Remind yourself of your reality by repeating the following, “My baby is safe. My baby is loved. I’m a good mom.”
Focus on where you are: What do you see, hear, and feel around you? Bringing yourself into the present can help stop the anxiety spiral.
7. Give yourself permission to enjoy your time away
Did you know that you’re allowed to enjoy yourself when you’re not with your baby? Well, you are!
Yes, you love them. Yes, you miss them. But that doesn’t mean you need to spend every second worrying about them. You deserve to be where you are, whether that’s at work, out with friends, or just sitting in your car eating fries in blissful silence.
And guess what? When you come back, your baby will still love you. They’ll still need you. And they’ll be just fine. And so will you.
Separation anxiety in moms FAQs
What does separation anxiety look like in moms?
Maternal separation anxiety can show up in a lot of different ways, and it’s not always the dramatic, tearful goodbye we associate with babies. For some moms, it’s a nagging sense of unease or an unsettled feeling that lingers even when you know your baby is safe.
For others, it’s an almost physical reaction, like a racing heart, a tight chest, or a stomach that feels like it’s in knots. You might find yourself constantly checking your phone for updates, struggling to focus on anything else, or even canceling plans just to avoid the stress of being apart.
The bottom line? If leaving your baby makes you feel deeply anxious, guilty, or overwhelmed, you’re not just imagining it. Maternal separation anxiety is real, common, and you may have it.
Can a mom’s separation anxiety affect their relationship with their child?
Babies and toddlers look to their parents to gauge what’s safe. While it’s completely natural to feel attached to your baby (you literally grew a whole human, after all), too much anxiety around separation can sometimes make it harder for both of you to build confidence in being apart.
Basically, if you’re visibly anxious, they may sense that and react with their own distress. That doesn’t mean you should fake it, but working through your own anxiety can actually help your child develop healthy independence and trust in other caregivers.
How long does separation anxiety typically last for new moms?
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, because every mom, baby, and situation is different. For some moms, separation anxiety fades after the newborn stage, when routines become more predictable and confidence in caregivers grows. For others, it can last well into toddlerhood, especially if they don’t have frequent opportunities to practice being apart.
If you’re still feeling intense distress months (or even years) later, and it’s affecting your ability to function or take necessary time for yourself, that’s a sign it might be worth talking to a therapist or support group. Maternal separation anxiety is normal, but it shouldn’t feel paralyzing.
Can dads or non-birthing parents have separation anxiety?
While birthing moms often experience separation anxiety due to postpartum hormones and intense early attachment, any primary caregiver can struggle with it. Dads, adoptive parents, foster parents, and non-birthing partners can all experience the same guilt, worry, and discomfort when leaving their child.
The more time you spend as the go-to caregiver, the stronger the attachment — and that can make separation tough, no matter what role you play. The key is the same for everyone: small, intentional steps toward trusting that your baby is safe and loved, even when you’re not right there.
How can partners support a mom dealing with separation anxiety?
The best thing a partner can do is validate, and not minimize. Telling a mom to just relax or not worry so much is about as effective as telling a baby to just sleep.
Instead, acknowledge that her feelings are real and offer support in ways that make separation easier. That might mean sending reassuring updates when she’s out, reminding her that she’s a great mom, or helping her build confidence by taking on more caregiving tasks.
Encouraging her to practice small separations—without guilt-tripping her if she struggles—can also go a long way. Most of all, partners can remind moms that prioritizing their own wellbeing isn’t selfish. It’s essential for being the parent they want to be.
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