Are you a mom missing someone this Mother’s Day? Here’s how to cope
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Mother's Day can be difficult for moms dealing with loss. Whether you're a mother grieving your mother or a child, we're here to help you make it through with a little more ease.
Mother’s Day is such a complicated holiday.
For many people, it’s marked by brunch reservations and flower deliveries. But for grieving mothers—or anyone navigating the loss of a child, a pregnancy, or their own mother—it’s unbearable. Instagram is filled with photos and videos of happy families, your inbox fills with emails urging you to celebrate, and all you want to do is hit fast forward to Monday.
If that’s where you are right now, know you’re not alone. The truth is, Mother’s Day can be unbelievably painful. It might make you want to crawl under the covers, throw your phone in the ocean, or cry in the car with the windows up. (And all of that is okay.)
There’s no easy fix for grief, no matter how much we wish there was. However, there are a few simple things you can do that might make Mother’s Day a little less awful — and you deserve that.
If you're grieving your mother on Mother’s Day
Trigger warning: Death of a parent
No matter what your relationship was like with your mother, losing her can leave you reeling. It doesn’t matter if the loss was recent or happened years ago — her absence is always there.
On Mother’s Day, this reality can be especially painful. It’s the ache of wanting to buy her a card you’ll never send, or the knee-jerk instinct to call her and realizing, again, that you can’t. It’s everyone else sending flowers to their mom and wishing more than anything that you could do the same.
There’s no script for this kind of grief, but your experience—however layered, raw, or confusing—is valid. You’re allowed to feel however you feel. This is a day you get to redefine or skip entirely.
7 tips to help you cope
If you’re looking for something to hold onto today, here are a few ways to care for your grief without trying to fix it:
1. Write her a letter: Write her a letter and say what you need to say. Don’t worry if it’s perfect — that’s not the point. Ask her questions. Swear if you want. Be yourself. That’s what matters.
2. Reclaim a ritual that feels meaningful: Do something that makes you feel connected to her memory. Plant her favorite flower. Listen to the song that reminds you of her on repeat. Light a candle and stare at it for a while. Rituals don’t have to be elaborate — they just have to feel honest.
3. Talk about her with someone who gets it: Reconnect with someone who really knew your mom for the complex person she was. Talk about her quirks, tell stories, and relive the moments that matter most to you.
4. Make space for the “both/and” feelings: Remember that people can feel more than one thing at the same time. You can feel angry and grateful. Relieved and devastated. Nostalgic and angry. Feelings are not either/or, especially when it comes to loss.
5. Avoid social media: Social media can be triggering on a good day, but it might be especially tough to stomach on Mother’s Day. It’s okay to log off. Instead, call a friend or text someone who understands.
6. Give yourself permission to skip the whole thing: Mother’s Day is great for some people, but if it’s too painful for you, skip it. Do what you need to feel okay. Nobody’s judging you.
7. Revisit something she loved, even if just for a moment: Small gestures can make you feel close to her, even if it’s just for a moment. Watch her favorite show, play her go-to song, or flip through that old cookbook she always used. Do something that makes you remember the good times.
Read more: Coping with grief or loss: how to navigate the grieving process
💙 Explore Your Relationship with Grief from our Grieving series with Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, PhD.
If you’re grieving a child on Mother’s Day
Trigger warning: Child loss.
There’s no easy way to talk about this, because how can you even put into words the experience of losing a child? No matter how old they were or what circumstances led to their passing, the grief of losing a child is a horror that lives in your bones long after the initial shockwave has passed.
It’s not just an emotional pain, it’s a physical, cellular upheaval. It rewires how you experience your life, time, your faith in others, special occasions, birthdays, holidays, and even the personal sense of who you are.
We know how difficult it is to talk about and even hear about, but parents who have lost children need to be seen and recognized, and have a right to see their experience reflected in the content that exists out in the world, online and in the media. Isolation, or feeling like their pain is taboo, only makes it worse. So we’re here to validate and support you.
On Mother’s Day, the world might expect everyone to “celebrate” motherhood. But what if being a mother is exactly where the wound lives? What if the world keeps calling you “Mom,” but the one who gave you that title is no longer here to say it out loud?
Maybe your child was with you for a few years, a few weeks, or even a few hours. Maybe people act like you should be “better” by now, or like you should feel lucky if you have other children, but that doesn’t change your loss or your hurt.
Let us be clear: You are still their mother. That doesn’t expire. Love doesn’t end when a life does. And Mother’s Day doesn’t get to decide whether or not you belong in the circle of moms. You do.
This day can feel unbearably long and impossibly quiet. It can also be full of longing, rage, softness, numbness, or all of the above, on repeat. Whatever it is you’re feeling, that’s okay. Just being here, breathing, remembering — that’s more than enough.
7 tips to help you cope
If this Mother’s Day feels impossible, here are some ways to move through it — gently, imperfectly, and in your own time:
1. Remember, you are still a mother: It doesn’t matter how long your child was with you. Whether they lived for years or were lost before you ever got to hold them, your love is real, your grief is valid, and your motherhood is not up for debate.
2. Speak their name out loud or silently: There’s something powerful about hearing your child’s name, even if it’s only whispered to yourself in the quiet of the day. It’s a way of honoring them and affirming that they existed and still matter. They matter. And you matter.
3. Do something in their honor (or do nothing at all): Light a candle. Look at photos. Bake their favorite meal or treat. Donate to a cause. Or simply let the day pass and spend it however feels supportive to you. There’s no wrong way to mark their memory.
4. Allow your feelings to come as they are: Grief is not a straight line. It’s a swirl of sadness, joy, guilt, anger, tenderness, and exhaustion. If you’re laughing one minute and sobbing the next, you’re not broken, you’re just a human with a heart that is doing its best.
5. Create a boundary between you and the outside noise: This might mean logging off social media, skipping events, or ignoring the “celebrate moms!” commercials. You’re not required to engage with a narrative that doesn’t reflect your experience or that causes you pain.
6. Lean into support that gets it: Talk to someone who knows this kind of loss. That might be another bereaved parent, a support group, a therapist, or a friend who listens without trying to fix. Being witnessed can be more healing than any advice.
7. Let yourself off the hook: If Mother’s Day is especially triggering or painful, remember that you don’t need to do anything in particular on the day. You don’t need to be graceful, grateful, or even functional. Your only job is to get through it in whatever way feels supportive to your mental health.
💙 If you’re feeling devastated by grief, explore our session on Catastrophic Loss from our Grieving series with Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, PhD.
If you’re grieving during or after pregnancy loss
Trigger warning: Pregnancy loss.
Pregnancy loss isn’t just heartbreaking — it can feel like a quiet unraveling. You might feel like everyone around you has moved on, and they expect you to do the same, even if you’re just not ready.
On Mother’s Day, this grief can be overwhelming, especially if you feel like you’re not “allowed” to be as sad as you are. Maybe the world didn’t get to know you were expecting, or maybe they did. Still, nobody could possibly understand just how excited you were. Maybe you circled a due date on your calendar, brainstormed baby names, or excitedly tracked which fruit corresponded with your current week of pregnancy. And then it all went away.
This kind of loss can be deeply isolating. You may feel like you’re too much or not enough all at once: too sad for some, not visibly bereaved enough for others. And layered under it all, there’s often shame, guilt, confusion, and questions that no one seems to have the right answers for.
Still, whether your loss was early, late, or somewhere in between—whether it happened once or more times than you can bear to admit—Mother’s Day still belongs to you.
Grief doesn’t follow a rulebook. It doesn’t care about timing or “how far along” you were. If you’re carrying this loss today, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. You only owe yourself some gentleness.
7 tips to help you cope
If you’re dreading Mother’s Day, here are some gentle ways to honor your experience without needing to “move on:”
1. Claim your motherhood: You don’t need to deliver a baby to validate the fact that you mothered. You dreamed, nurtured, and prepared. That all counts.
2. Speak your baby’s name — or give them one: If you haven’t named your baby and want to, you can. If you have a name and haven’t said it aloud in a while, try it. Let it exist outside your body for a moment.
3. Create a symbol that anchors your grief and love: Tangible things can carry weight, especially when the world around you doesn’t acknowledge your loss. Memorialize the loss with a necklace, a plant, a candle, a tattoo, or even a little box with ultrasound photos or the onesie you never got to use.
4. Make space for all your heavy emotions: For many, sadness is a given, but you may also experience rage, numbness, and a sharp stab of jealousy when someone announces their pregnancy on Instagram. None of it makes you a bad person. It just makes you human.
5. Limit your exposure to upsetting content: You don’t have to do anything that upsets you. Log off social media, skip triggering social events, and delete the baby registry app you never got to use. Protecting your peace is important.
6. Share your story (if you want to): Putting words to the experience makes you feel seen. So, tell someone what happened or write it in a notebook you never show anyone. It can feel cathartic to share.
7. Find others who speak the language of loss: So many people understand this ache — support groups, online communities, and friends you didn’t know had miscarriages until you opened up. You are not alone, and you don’t have to carry this quietly if you don’t want to.
Read more: Grief meditation: How to use mindfulness to heal after loss
💙 Listen to Why Grief Why Now? from our Grieving series with Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, PhD.
How to support a grieving mother on Mother’s Day: 13 ways to share your love
Supporting someone in grief isn’t about having the perfect words or doing something big to make them smile. It’s about showing up — consistently, kindly, and without expectations.
If you’re trying to support a mother who’s grieving—whether she’s lost a child, a pregnancy, or her own mother—here’s how to make that care felt.
1. Say something — seriously, say anything
It’s totally normal not to know how to respond or connect when someone is in pain, especially if you haven’t experienced a major loss in your life. While you might wonder if being quiet is the best choice, silence often feels like abandonment to the person who is hurting.
Remember, if they’re in pain already, you mentioning it isn’t going to remind them of their hurt — they’re already reminded.
Try this:
“I’ve been thinking of you. I don’t know if I have the right words, but I’m here.”
“I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I am happy to sit and listen.”
2. Name the loss
If you know who she’s grieving, say their name. Avoid dancing around it because this can minimize their pain or make it feel like you don’t care. Naming the loss reminds her that her loved one mattered to others, too.
Try this:
“I miss [name of the loved one who passed] too.”
“I was thinking about your mom today.”
3. Personalize your support
If you want to reach out to someone who’s grieving on Mother’s Day, skip the default “Happy Mother’s Day!” message. Instead, tailor your words to her story or situation so that she knows this message was sent with her pain in mind. A one-size-fits-all approach doesn’t work with grief since every grief experience is unique.
Try this:
“I know today might feel really heavy. I’m sending love.”
“I’m remembering your baby today and holding space for you.”
“Your mom was one of the brightest humans I’ve ever met. Thinking of her, and you.”
4. Send something soothing, not sentimental
Instead of sending flowers or a generic card, try to send something more nurturing and comforting. Make sure it’s low-effort on her part. Grief is already exhausting.
Try this:
A care package with tea, snacks, a cozy pair of socks, and a note
A gift card for food delivery (no one wants to cook while grieving)
A sleep mask, earplugs, and a comforting book if she’s having trouble getting rest
A book of comforting poems or short reflections (skip anything too “fix-y”)
5. Offer companionship with no strings
Don’t just say, “Let me know if you need anything.” She won’t. Be the one to initiate, without demanding energy she might not have. Be sure to offer something specific that she can say yes or no to.
Try this:
“Want me to come over and keep you company today?”
“Want to get outside for a walk together?”
“I can drop off lunch and leave it on your porch — no pressure to talk.”
6. Respect her decision to participate (or not)
If she declines the brunch invite or skips a family gathering, let her. No guilt trips, no “But it’ll be good for you” texts. Grief doesn’t clock out for holidays. If you feel the need to reach out, send something supportive and understanding.
Try this:
“I totally understand if it doesn’t feel right to come to the gathering this year. We’ll be thinking of you either way.”
“Do whatever you need to do for yourself today. If that means being surrounded by people who love you, we’re here. If that means taking space, take your space. You are loved.”
“Whether we see you or not this year, we’re thinking of [name of the loved one who passed] and sending you so much love.”
7. Check in before and after the day
It’s not just the day itself, but it can also be the emotional build-up to the day and the emotional hangover afterwards. Try to send a message the day before, and then check in a day or two after.
Try this:
“Just checking in. I know this weekend might be tough.”
“I know this weekend might bring up some feelings. I’m here to listen.”
And a day or two later:
“How are you feeling today? No need to reply if you’re wiped.”
“How are you doing? I’d love to take a walk, or bring you a meal if you’d like some company.”
8. Give her an exit ramp
If she does come to your gathering or event, offer a quiet way to step out if she needs space. Being a safe person means helping her protect her peace.
Try this:
“If you need to sneak out at any point, you can. No explanations necessary.”
“Want me to run interference if people ask too many questions?”
“I’m happy to leave early with you, and we can even blame me.”
9. Include her loved one in memory, if she’s open to it
If she’s lost her mother, a child, or pregnancy, ask if she wants to include their memory somehow. Grief often gets quieter over time, not because it shrinks, but because people stop acknowledging it. Don’t be one of those people.
Try this:
Lighting a candle in their name
Setting a place at the table
Donating in their honor
Sharing a story or photo (if she offers)
10. Don’t rush her healing to mitigate discomfort (but take breaks if needed)
You may want to “cheer her up” or nudge her toward “closure.” Don’t. Grief isn’t a task to complete or a phase to get through. Let her move at her own pace.
With that said, holding space for someone who is deep in grief can feel heavy. If you feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed by her pain, take some breaks to nurture your mental health, but assure her you’ll be checking in soon.
Try this:
“My heart is with you, and I know how hard this is. I’ll check in on you in a few days.”
“I’m so deeply sorry that you’re in pain. Can we have a cup of tea or go for a walk next week?”
“I need to take care of a few things at home. I’ll reach out in a few days, and we can talk more. In the meantime, I’ll be thinking of you.”
11. Remember the loss beyond this day
Set reminders for birthdays, due dates, anniversaries, or holidays. Sending a message on those days that may be triggering can make a huge difference. Your remembering with her will mean everything.
Try this:
“I’m thinking of you today.”
“I know today might be hard. I’m here if you need to talk.”
“I’ll be available for coffee on [insert date or holiday] if you want some company.”
12. Normalize joy and laughter, too
Grief and joy can sit side-by-side. Allow her to have moments of joy and moments to process her pain and try not to qualify either. If she laughs during brunch or jokes around, don’t say things like, “It’s good to see you smiling again,” as that can feel like pressure to stay “better.”
Try this:
Let her be sad. Let her be funny. Let her be all of it, moment to moment.
13. Remind her she’s not alone, over and over again
Even if she doesn’t respond, even if you’re not sure she sees it, keep reminding her. Grief is isolating. Connection—without expectation—is the antidote.
Try this:
“You’re not alone in this.”
“I’m walking beside you today.”
“I love you. No matter how this day feels.”
Mother's day for grieving mothers FAQs
How can I take care of myself when Mother’s Day feels too hard?
First of all, if your idea of self-care this Mother’s Day is staying in pajamas and ghosting the world, you get to do that. It’s all valid.
Start with the basics: nourish your body (even if that’s a comfort meal), move your body (maybe just going for a morning walk), and let yourself feel whatever comes without judgment. You’re not doing grief wrong if you’re angry, numb, or can’t stop crying. You’re surviving, and that counts.
Give yourself permission to opt out of certain things like group texts, social media, or family gatherings. Set boundaries if you need to.
Are there poems or quotes for grieving mothers?
If you’re looking for poems or quotes, seek out the ones that feel like they were written for real people: raw, real, and without an ounce of sugar-coating.
Look for voices who’ve lived it — mothers, writers, or artists who know loss personally. You might connect with the tenderness of Mary Oliver, the grit of Cheryl Strayed. You’re allowed to skip the ones that make you roll your eyes. This is about comfort, not inspiration.
How do I get through Mother’s Day if I’ve lost a child?
You get through it however you need to, hour by hour, breath by breath. Some parents find comfort in creating a ritual to honor their child, like lighting a candle, writing a letter, or doing something their child would’ve loved. Others can’t bear to mark the day at all, and that’s okay too. There’s no gold star for grieving in public or “doing the day right.”
Let the day be what it is, not what it’s supposed to be. If all you do is survive today, that’s enough. That’s more than enough.
Is it okay if I don’t want to “celebrate” Mother’s Day this year?
Not only is it okay, it’s more than understandable. When your experience of motherhood is woven with grief, the word “celebrate” can feel not just off-kilter, but cruel. You don’t owe anyone participation in this holiday. You’re allowed to skip the brunch, ignore the cards, stay off social media, and let the day pass without doing anything to acknowledge it.
Celebration implies joy, and if that’s not where you are, don’t force it. Grief is still a form of love, and so is choosing to protect yourself. If anything, choose peace.
How can I support a grieving mother on Mother's Day?
Start by seeing her. Not just her pain, but her love, her strength, her endurance. Say something—anything—that lets her know you’re thinking of her.
Try to avoid platitudes like, “Everything happens for a reason.”
Instead, try: “I know today might be hard. I’m here if you want to talk, or not talk.”
Show up with food, a text, or a small token of care. Show up without needing her to show up back.
Support doesn’t have to be grand. It has to be consistent. You want them to know that they’re not alone. That can be the difference between a devastating day and a bearable one.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life.
Images: Getty
