Mindfulness for parents: 5 tips to stress less and stay present
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Parenting stressing you out to no end? Mindfulness can help with that. Explore the potential benefits, and 5 mindful tips and techniques to help you stress less.
Parenthood can feel relentless. Between toddler tantrums, the endless negotiations, and just trying to get everyone where they need to be on time (mostly), it can feel like you’re constantly running on fumes. Some days, you wake up already exhausted, and by the time you finally get a second to yourself, you’re too drained to even enjoy it.
That’s where mindfulness can help. Being mindful involves doing small intentional things that help you stay present, relieve stress, and not completely lose your mind when your kid inexplicably puts peanut butter in their hair. Again, it’s about learning how to pause before you snap. It’s about finding moments of calm in the middle of the chaos.
We’ll be the first to admit that mindfulness as a parent is so much easier said than done. So, let’s dig into what mindfulness actually looks like for parents and how you can grab a mindful moment here and there. We’re hoping this makes it a bit easier to survive your messiest days.
What is mindfulness for parents?
Taking care of a child tends to involve a constant stream of distractions, interruptions, and meltdowns (sometimes ours, sometimes theirs). This also makes it a great lesson in the importance of mindfulness, or living in the moment.
Being mindful basically just means paying attention, on purpose, to the present moment without judgment. You’re not silently berating yourself for yelling at your kid to stop jumping off the couch, or feeling self-conscious about the fact that they just dumped out their water bottle on the ground. You’re just focusing on the present, and letting it pass.
All you have to do in order to parent mindfully is to pause, breathe, and take notice of what's happening inside you and around you. This can make you less reactionary, and help you be fully present with your kids while also accepting that parenting, in general, is going to be complicated and imperfect.
5 ways mindfulness can help stressed out parents
Parenting stress can be all-encompassing. It can keep you up at night and it can make your whole body feel tense. Studies show that mindfulness may help to reduce your stress, improve your emotional regulation, and even help you with parental burnout. Mindfulness can:
1. Help you stay calmer in chaotic moments: Mindfulness can teach you how to pause before reacting, which can help you make fewer knee-jerk reactions and respond more intentionally.
2. Reduce anxiety and overwhelm: Parenting can come with an endless mental load. Mindfulness can help you break the cycle of overthinking by bringing your focus back to the current moment.
3. Strengthen your connection with your child: When you’re mindful, you’re more present, and children can usually sense that. Being truly with them can help you bond.
4. Help with the emotional pain of parenting: Being a parent can be emotionally brutal. You’ll have tough days when you have to watch your child struggle, and moments of intense mom guilt. Mindfulness can help you acknowledge those feelings without being completely swallowed by them.
5. Give you tiny pockets of rest: The beauty of mindfulness is that it just requires you to shift how you use the time you already have. Even a 30-second mindful breath while making school lunches can help to reset your nervous system.
How to calm down when parenting gets hard: 5 mindful tips and techniques
Parenting can be a rollercoaster. One minute, your kids are playing nicely together, and the next, you’re breaking up a fight, cleaning up spilled juice, and begging everyone to stop screaming.
You may feel like it’s just a matter of time before you completely lose it, but mindfulness can help relieve some of that bottled-up pressure. Here are five techniques that can help you reset when you want to scream:
1. The one deep breath trick
Before you react, or yell, or declare that you’re running away to a remote island, take one deep breath. Inhale for four seconds, hold it for another four seconds, and then exhale for six seconds.
This deep breath can help signal to your nervous system to relax and give you a moment to decide how you actually want to respond. (Here are five other ways to help you respond instead of reacting.)
2. The “name it to tame it” technique
When you’re especially emotional, voicing your feelings can help calm you down and put you into problem-solving mode. This can make it easier for you to handle whatever chaos is unfolding around you.
This strategy also works for kids. If they’re in the middle of a meltdown, trying to get them to name their feelings can help them to process it.
💙 Listen to Breath SOS to help ease your parenting stress when you’re having ‘a day’.
3. The mindful pause before reacting
If you feel like you’re about to snap, try pausing for two seconds before saying or doing anything. Those moments might not seem like much, but this pause can be the difference between reacting with anger and responding with intention.
If you’re in a bad mood currently, here are eight tips that can help lift your spirits.
4. The five senses reset
When parenting is overwhelming, use your senses to stay grounded in the present moment.
You can do this by naming five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This technique usually takes less than a minute and can help stop spiraling.
5. The “let it be messy” mantra
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to just accept the mess. Being a parent’s never going to be perfectly neat and controlled. There will most likely always be crumbs, noise, chaos, and days where everything feels like a total disaster.
Just try repeating to yourself: “It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be enough.”
💙 Listen to Beautiful Imperfections with Tamara Levitt to help get you more in a state of mind to accept the chaos of parenting.
Mindfulness for parents FAQs
What are quick mindfulness techniques I can do as a busy parent?
Usually the best mindfulness techniques are the ones that you can squeeze in on the fly.
Here are three methods you can do while you’re still in the midst of the madness:
One deep breath trick: Inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, and then exhale for six seconds. This can be a helpful mini-reset button when you feel like you’re about to lose it.
The mindful pause: Try just two seconds of stillness before you react. This can give your brain a chance to respond intentionally instead of just saying something you might regret.
The five senses reset: Quickly notice what you see, hear, feel, smell, and taste. This can help to bring you out of stress mode and back into the present.
Can mindfulness help me with parental burnout?
Burnout happens when stress builds up without relief, and mindfulness can be one of the best ways to fight it. Even just taking a deep breath before answering your child’s one millionth question can help reset your nervous system. No, it won’t magically give you more sleep, but it can help you navigate your exhaustion with a little more calm and a little less resentment.
What are some ways to deal with the emotional pain of parenting?
Parenting can be full of heartbreak. The loneliness, the mom guilt, and the constant worry that you’re not doing enough can all take a toll on your mental health.
A powerful mindfulness tool you can use to help you deal with this is to practice self-compassion. Instead of pushing away these big emotions, acknowledge them without judgment. Try to name them and say to yourself, “This is painful. I feel like I’m failing. I feel exhausted.” By doing this, you’re acknowledging how you feel, and this can help to lessen the grip your emotions have on you.
You can also practice reminding yourself that you’re not alone. Every parent struggles. The hard moments don’t mean you’re doing it wrong. They just mean you’re human.
How can I feel less overwhelmed and more present as a parent?
Parenting doesn’t have to be so overwhelming, and mindfulness can help. Instead of thinking about everything you need to do, try to focus instead on the present. You just have to do one thing at a time.
You can also use your senses to anchor yourself in the current moment. Feel your child’s hand in yours, listen to their laughter, and smell their shampoo when you tuck them in. Tiny moments of presence like this won’t erase the chaos, but they can help you find little pockets of peace inside of it.
How can I use mindfulness to be less stressed?
When stress comes up, mindfulness can help change how you respond to it. It can also help you regain a sense of steadiness, even when everything around you is a mess.
If you’re currently feeling stressed, here are four quick mindful shifts you can try:
Take a single deep breath and then respond.
Pause and count to two.
Focus on what’s happening right now and not what will happen in the future.
Repeat to yourself, “This is hard, but I can handle hard things.”
Calm your mind. Change your life.
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