Are you a millennial mom in a midlife crisis? Here’s 10 tips to cope
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
If that full life you once dreamed of is now fully leading to a midlife crisis, you're not alone. Explore the real challenges millennial moms face, and 10 tips to help you cope.
On paper, you have the life you always wanted — the career, the family, and a house that only sometimes looks like a tornado just hit it. And while you’re obviously grateful for all of it, it’s tough to shake an admittedly troubling thought: “Is this it?”
If you find yourself crying in the car more than usual, hiding in the bathroom from your kids, or fantasizing about running away from it all, you may be experiencing a millennial mom midlife crisis.
Before you start spiraling, please remember that going through a midlife crisis (or any crisis) doesn’t mean you’re weak, ungrateful, or a bad mom. You’re burnt out, stretched thin, and stuck in a system that expects you to do it all while running on fumes and caffeine. Of course you feel like you’re losing your mind — who wouldn’t?
The good news is that you’re not alone. The better news is that there are ways to survive this crisis that don’t involve escaping or just grinning and bearing it. Let’s talk about why more and more millennial moms are experiencing these crises, and, more importantly, what you can actually do about it.
Is the millennial mom midlife crisis a thing?
A millennial midlife crisis isn’t just in your head. It’s in the data. Millennial moms (born roughly between 1981 and 1996) are hitting their late 30s and 40s, and for many, it feels like life has somehow become both way too much and not enough at the same time.
You’ve probably spent years working toward this version of adulthood that was supposed to feel fulfilling. You’ve got the career, kids, home, and the stability, and, yet, instead of feeling accomplished, you feel stuck. You feel exhausted. You feel invisible.
This isn’t just the typical mom burnout that comes from managing tiny humans who never stop needing snacks. It’s deeper. It’s an existential-level exhaustion that makes you question everything.
Am I even happy, or am I just going through the motions?
Is this what I worked so hard for?
Why does everyone else seem to be handling this better than me?
Is it normal to fantasize about a solo vacation and never coming back?
If these thoughts have been running through your mind (probably while folding the same basket of laundry for the third day in a row), you’re not alone. The millennial mom midlife crisis is very real, and it’s not because you’re weak or ungrateful. It’s because the world we live in has set moms up for hardship, (or even failure).
Here are some signs you might be in a millennial mom midlife crisis. And if you find yourself nodding along to these, welcome to the club. While we don’t have matching jackets, we do have an unspoken agreement that sometimes, hiding in the bathroom is self-care.
You feel burnt out, not just tired. And even if you slept for 12 hours, it wouldn’t fix the exhaustion.
Life feels overwhelmingly monotonous. You wake up, survive, and repeat. Forever.
You’re questioning every life choice you’ve ever made, from the job and the relationship to the fact that you ever thought parenthood sounded fun.
Your identity feels lost somewhere between Vice President of Snacks and Laundry Folder-in-Chief.
You’ve rage-cleaned your kitchen at midnight while muttering “No one appreciates me in this house” under your breath. Has this been you? Be honest.
You’ve considered running away for a weekend… or a year.
If this is hitting uncomfortably close to home, take a deep breath, (maybe try these seven breathing exercises). There’s nothing wrong with you, but there is something very wrong with the expectations placed on moms today.
Do millennial moms have it harder?
Millennial moms do seem to have it harder than moms from previous generations. And not in a, “Back in my day, we walked 10 miles to school,” kind of way, but in a legitimately stacked-against-us, impossible-expectations, why-are-we-doing-this-alone kind of way.
Sure, every generation of moms has struggled. Raising small humans has never been easy. But millennial moms are dealing with a perfect storm of pressures that make this phase of life feel like an unrelenting uphill battle.
1. We’re the “sandwich generation”
Millennials are the first generation to fully experience both sides of caregiving at once. And millennials are doing it all while working more hours and having less support than their parents did. The weight of being everything to everyone is absolutely crushing.
Raise your hand if you’re simultaneously:
Raising young kids who depend on you for everything
Supporting aging parents who suddenly need more from you
Managing your own career, household, relationship, and fragile grip on sanity
2. The financial stress is real
If you ever catch yourself wondering why it feels so much harder for you than it was for your parents, especially when it comes to finances, here’s your answer: Because it is.
The cost of childcare has exploded. In some states, it’s literally more expensive than rent.
Home prices have skyrocketed. Buying a house in today’s financial climate is unfathomable for many people.
A huge number of millennials are still paying off student loans after being told that college was the golden ticket. (Surprise! It came with decades of debt!)
All of these factors means that millennial moms are working more, earning less than previous generations did at their age (remember to factor in inflation here), and still struggling to make ends meet.
💙 Learn how to put your financial goals first by setting Financial Intentions with guidance from Suze Orman.
3. The pressure to do it all is relentless
In previous generations, moms were praised for being selfless and forgoing their dreams to be stay-at-home moms. Millennial moms, on the other hand, are expected to be selfless and thriving in their careers, shopping organic, and maintaining a perfectly curated home, workout regime, spicy marriage, and raising emotionally well-adjusted kids.
The message from society is loud and clear with this one, and what they’re saying is that you should be able to do it all. And, if you can’t, it’s a personal failing.
Spoiler alert: They’re wrong. It’s an impossible standard, and millennial moms everywhere are breaking under the weight of it.
4. Social media makes everything worse
Your mom didn’t have to scroll past a highlight reel of perfect moms doing everything better than you before she even finished her morning coffee. But millennial moms live in an era where much of life weighs on your mind and heart constantly.
Feeling like every moment of parenting needs to be Instagram-worthy
Comparing yourself to every mom online who looks like she has it together
Reading conflicting parenting advice that makes you feel like you’re doing it all wrong
Even when you know it’s fake and unattainable to achieve these unrealistic standards, the pressure seeps in. The constant comparison and the curated perfection all reinforces the feeling that you’re failing, even when you’re doing more than ever before.
💙 Discover how using social media can alter our reality with How It Impacts Your Life, led by Adam Alter, PhD.
5. We’re mothering in isolation
Previous generations raised kids in tight-knit communities. Most had grandparents nearby, neighbors looking out for each other, and family close enough to help. Many millennial moms are doing this alone. There’s no village and no safety net, just an ever-growing list of responsibilities. And this results in an entire generation of moms who feel depleted and isolated.
Millennial moms do have it harder than previous generations. And if you’re one of them and feeling burnt out, exhausted, and like you just can’t keep up, it’s not because you’re failing. It’s because the expectations placed on you are downright impossible to uphold.
How to support your mental health as a millennial mom: 10 tips to help you cope
Let’s get one thing straight: You definitely don’t need another list of empty self-care platitudes like, “Just take care of yourself.” You know you should be prioritizing yourself.
Between work, kids, partners, aging parents, and the never-ending mental load mothers everywhere seem to juggle, when exactly is this self-care thing supposed to happen?
You can’t journal, meditate, or bubble-bath your way out of systemic burnout (although we wish). What you can do, though, is find small, realistic ways to take care of yourself without adding more to your already overwhelming to-do list.
While these solutions won’t fix themselves overnight, they are small shifts that can help you feel a little more like you again over time.
1. Redefine success (because “having it all” is a scam)
Somewhere along the way, millennial women were sold the lie that “having it all” meant doing it all. The message was telegraphed that you need to have the job, the kids, the perfect workouts, the Instagram-worthy house, the emotionally fulfilling marriage, and the thriving social life. But here’s the thing: None of that is real… At least not for everyone.
Instead of chasing someone else’s version of success or a fulfilling life, define what actually matters to you.
You can start with the following:
Saying “no” to things that drain you
Letting go of the idea that your house should look like an HGTV special
Taking a nap instead of forcing yourself to constantly be productive
2. Set micro-boundaries that protect your energy
You know those tiny moments in the day where your sanity is hanging by a thread? That’s where micro-boundaries come into play. You don’t need to overhaul your entire life to protect your energy but having a few firm, guilt-free lines in the sand doesn’t hurt.
Try these tips for setting healthy boundaries:
Set aside five minutes of silence in the morning for yourself to wake up, drink coffee, or just have a minute of quiet or meditation. Even one minute of meditation can help!
Don’t respond to work texts after dinner. It can wait.
Designate a spot in the house that’s just for you, or schedule a date with yourself once a week where you can do what you want and enjoy uninterrupted time alone or with friends.
💙 Make it a priority to Schedule Me-tings into your regular routine to nurture your wants and needs.
3. Swap guilt for grace (and remember you’re human)
Feeling mom guilt is so 2015. It’s time to swap out guilt for something more useful like grace.
Start here:
The dinner you made wasn’t 100% organic? That’s Okay! Your kids are fed.
Forgot it was spirit day at your kid’s school? Oh well! There’s always next year.
Yelled when you didn’t mean to? Apologize, move on, and remember that literally every parent loses it sometimes.
4. Embrace the chaos instead of fighting it
Look, the chaos of parenting isn’t going anywhere. Motherhood is messy, loud, unpredictable, and rarely goes according to plan. So, instead of constantly fighting it, try embracing it.
Embracing chaos can look like this:
Laughing when things go comically wrong
Lowering the bar (and the expectations) on how much you actually need to get done
Taking mental snapshots of the beautiful mess, because one day, you might even miss it
5. Find joy outside of motherhood by reconnecting with you
Somewhere between diaper changes and school pickups, you might have lost sight of the version of you that existed before kids. While motherhood is joyous and wonderful, you also deserve joy that has nothing to do with your identity as a parent.
Here are some ways to rediscover what brings you joy:
Make a playlist of songs you loved before “Baby Shark” invaded your brain and dance it out!
Plan something (literally anything) that has nothing to do with your kids.
Write down one thing a day that reminds you of, well, you.
💙 Take some time to find out what activities bring you happiness and joy with the Discovering Happiness series by Shawn Achor.
6. Practice the pause, because not everything needs a reaction
Not every battle is worth fighting. Not every meltdown requires a deep emotional response from you. And not everything your kid, partner, or coworker says needs an immediate reaction.
Pause before you engage, take a deep breath, and ask yourself the following:
Does this actually require my energy right now?
Is this mine to fix?
Can I let this go?
7. Prioritize actual rest (not just zoning out on your phone)
Raise your hand if your me-time consists of scrolling TikTok in bed until your eyes blur. (We’ve been there!) You may be wondering why that’s a problem. Well, sadly it’s because that’s not actually restful. It’s numbing. And while zoning out has its place, actual rest is what your fried nervous system is begging for. (Here are seven types of rest that can help you feel renewed.)
Instead of scrolling until you’re seeing double, try these:
A real, uninterrupted nap (even if it’s only 20 minutes)
Reading a book that has nothing to do with parenting
Going outside without your phone for five minutes
Literally just laying down and doing nothing
8. Stop trying to be productive all day every day
Somewhere along the way, we started believing that our worth is tied to how much we get done, which is why it feels physically impossible to sit still without thinking about all the things you should be doing.
But, here’s the thing: Motherhood isn’t a job where your productivity is the measure of success. You don’t get a raise for burning yourself out. You don’t get a gold star for running yourself into the ground.
Instead of aiming to do it all, try this:
Do the bare minimum sometimes.
Sit down to relax, even if there’s still laundry to do.
Let your kids be bored instead of entertaining them 24/7.
9. Stop waiting for the moment when life slows down (it never does)
We tell ourselves that we’ll do things we want to do once work settles down, or when the kids are older, or once a big project is complete. But, at the end of the day, isn’t that just an excuse? Life never really slows down. There will always be another deadline, another chaotic week, and another excuse.
Instead of waiting for the perfect time to prioritize yourself, take the time now. Even if it’s only in small ways.
Take five minutes in the morning to drink coffee in peace.
Schedule something just for you, and treat it like an actual appointment.
Say no to one thing this week that drains you.
10. Get support from a friend (or professional if you need it)
Listen, a solo grocery run is nice, but it’s not the kind of help that’s going to keep you from having a full-blown breakdown in the privacy of your laundry room.
If you’re struggling, you can’t self-care your way out of it all of the time. Sometimes you may need actual support from a friend or even a professional, and that’s okay.
Seek out support in the following ways:
Find a mom friend who gets it, even if it’s just texting “WTF is this day?!” to each other for mutual support.
Asking for help (and actually asking).
Therapy, if you need extra support.
Millennial mom midlife crisis FAQs
What is the millennial mom midlife crisis ?
The millennial mom midlife crisis isn’t just about turning 40 and suddenly wanting to buy a motorcycle or move to a beach town (though, honestly, both sound kind of appealing). It’s more of a slow-burning realization that the life you worked so hard to build—the job, the house, the family—isn’t quite as fulfilling as you thought it would be. It’s that feeling of being stuck, of waking up every day to the same overwhelming responsibilities and wondering, ‘Is this really it?’”
For many moms, this crisis is fueled by burnout, exhaustion, and the crushing weight of expectations. You’re constantly doing everything for everyone else, yet you feel invisible. You wonder where you went and wonder where the version of you that had dreams beyond meal planning and soccer practice schedules drifted off to. It’s not that you don’t love your family — it’s that somewhere along the way, you lost yourself.
Why are millennial moms so burnt out?
Millennial moms are burnt out, because they’re expected to do everything all the time with no support. We’re raising kids in an era where we’re told the following:
Work like we don’t have kids
Parent like we don’t have jobs
Maintain a Pinterest-perfect home
Keep our marriages “spicy” (whatever that means)
Prioritize mental health and self-care
Look good while doing all of the above
And we’re supposed to do all this with less help than any generation before us. Previous generations had extended family, tight-knit communities, and fewer societal expectations and pressures. Millennial moms are often doing this alone, juggling full-time jobs, financial stress, and a mental load that could take down a Fortune 500 CEO.
The result? Chronic exhaustion, constant guilt, and a deep, unshakable feeling that we’re not doing enough — even though we’re doing everything.
What do millennial moms struggle with most?
Millennial moms are trapped in an impossible paradox. We were raised to believe we could “have it all,” but no one mentioned that having it all really just means doing it all — with no roadmap and no extra hands to help. We’re parenting in an age of constant comparison, drowning in expert advice that often contradicts itself. One minute, we’re supposed to be raising fiercely independent kids. The next minute, we’re criticized for not being present enough.
And then there’s the mental load, or the never-ending list of things no one else even realizes needs to get done. Things like doctor’s appointments, birthday party RSVPs, remembering which kid likes which kind of granola bar this week. It’s neverending, and it’s exhausting.
At the end of the day, millennial moms struggle most with never feeling like we’re enough. But the truth is that you are. You always have been.
What can moms do to help with burnout?
Burnout isn’t a personal failing. It’s a systemic issue. That means it’s not just on you to fix it. However, since we unfortunately don’t have the power to rewrite society overnight, there are a few things you can do to make things feel a little more manageable.
Lower the bar. Seriously. That “perfect mom” standard you’re holding yourself to? It doesn’t exist. Give yourself permission to do less.
Set micro-boundaries. You don’t have to be available to everyone all the time. Protect your energy, even if it’s just in small ways, like declaring 10 minutes of silence in the morning before anyone can talk to you.
Stop over-explaining yourself. You don’t need a five-paragraph justification for saying “no” to something that drains you. “That doesn’t work for me” is a complete sentence.
Take real breaks. Not five minutes of scrolling on your phone. Not hiding in the pantry between tantrums. Real breaks. Even if they’re short, they matter.
Find joy outside of motherhood. You are not just a mom, you’re a whole freakin’ person! Read a book that has nothing to do with parenting. Blast music from your pre-kid days. Do something that reminds you of you.
How can partners better support moms during a midlife crisis?
Ah, partners. We love them. But, let’s be honest, sometimes they just don’t get it.
If your partner truly wants to support you (and isn’t just saying “let me know if you need help” while you slowly lose your mind), here’s what they need to know:
The mental load is real. If you don’t know what that means, Google it. And then start carrying your fair share of it without being asked.
“Helping” is not the same as “sharing responsibility.” Moms don’t need assistants. They need actual partners who anticipate what needs to be done and do it.
Listen without fixing. Sometimes, we just need to vent. We don’t need solutions. We don’t need “have you tried meditating?” We need someone to hear us and say, “Wow, that’s a lot.”
Encourage real breaks. Not by taking a bath while the kids bang on the door. Not that you’ll watch the kids, but you have to be told exactly what to do. Allow your partner real, uninterrupted time to reset.
Acknowledge the invisible work. The scheduling, the meal planning, the remembering-everything-for-everyone… All of that is work. See it and appreciate it. Step up and do more of it.
At the end of the day, support isn’t about grand gestures. It’s about showing up for your partner, doing the work, and making sure moms don’t feel like they’re carrying the weight of the world alone.
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