How to comfort someone who had a miscarriage: 10 ways to help
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Finding the right words when a loved one has had a pregnancy loss can be hard. Here’s 10 ways to comfort someone who had a miscarriage, what to say, and what to avoid.
When the people we love are hurting, it’s natural to want to help, but what do we do when the source of their pain is complex and maybe an experience we’re not familiar with? Miscarriage is a uniquely painful kind of loss, and it can leave people unsure of how to respond.
If you’ve ever hesitated to reach out to someone going through it because you didn’t know what to say, you’re not alone. The fear of saying the wrong thing can feel paralyzing, and sometimes, in an effort to avoid awkwardness, people say nothing at all.
Realistically, nothing you can say will take away the pain of pregnancy loss, and that’s okay. Comforting someone after a miscarriage isn’t about fixing it. It’s about acknowledging their grief, and making sure they don’t feel alone in it. And if you’re worried you’ll upset them, know that they’re already upset and you showing up for them isn’t going to make it worse.
You don’t need profound words or grand gestures. What matters most is your presence, your kindness, and your willingness to hold space for someone who is hurting.
This guide will walk you through what to say (and what not to say), how to offer real support beyond words, and how to navigate this heartbreaking experience with care and compassion.
What to say to someone after a miscarriage
When someone experiences a miscarriage, or a loss before 20 weeks gestation, they are grieving — not just the pregnancy, but also the future they’d already begun imagining. While no words can erase that pain, the right words can remind them they’re not alone.
The key is to acknowledge the loss. It might feel like saying something will remind them of their grief, but the truth is, they haven’t forgotten. Pretending it didn’t happen or tiptoeing around it out of discomfort is worse.
So, what should you say? Keep it simple, heartfelt, and focused on them, and don’t try to downplay their pain.
You might say something like:
“I’m so sorry for your loss.” Grief needs to be recognized. This phrase is short but powerful.
“I’m always here for you.” It’s comforting for them to know that they’re not alone.
“This is so hard. Whatever you’re feeling is okay.” Validate their emotions, whether they’re sad, angry, numb, or all of the above.
“There are no words, but I want you to know I care.” It’s okay to admit you don’t necessarily know what to say. What matters is showing up.
“If you want to talk, I’m here to listen.” Grief doesn’t have a timeline. Some days they might want to talk, others they won’t. Let them lead.
“Would it be okay if I checked in on you later?” Many people check in right away, but then disappear. Following up shows you truly care.
When in doubt, listen
Sometimes, the most comforting thing you can do is listen. Let them share their experience if they want to. Let them cry. Let them sit in silence. The most powerful form of support is often just being there — no advice, no silver linings, no trying to make it better. Just presence.
Grief isn’t something that needs to be solved. It just needs to be seen. Your willingness to acknowledge it, without trying to fix it, is one of the most meaningful things you can offer.
What not to say to someone after a miscarriage
Even the most well-intentioned words can sometimes land the wrong way. When someone is grieving a miscarriage, they don’t need silver linings, reassurances, or explanations — they just need their pain to be acknowledged.
If you’ve ever fumbled for the right words and worried you might have said the wrong thing, don’t be too hard on yourself. Most of us were never taught how to talk about pregnancy loss, and society tends to be really uncomfortable with grief in general. But learning what not to say can help you show up in a way that’s truly supportive.
Here are some things you should avoid saying:
“At least you know you can get pregnant.” This one comes up a lot, but it can be deeply painful. The ability to get pregnant again doesn’t make this loss any less heartbreaking.
“Everything happens for a reason.” While meant to be comforting, this can come across as dismissive. No one wants to believe their loss happened for some mysterious cosmic lesson.
“You can always try again.” Yes, maybe they can — but right now, they’re grieving this pregnancy. Telling them to look ahead can feel like you’re rushing them through their grief.
“It was probably for the best.” Even if you mean well, this can feel like minimizing their loss.
“I know exactly how you feel.” No two experiences are exactly the same, even if you’ve experienced a pregnancy loss too. Instead, try: “I can’t imagine how you feel, but I’m here for you.”
“God has a plan.” If the person is religious and has expressed this belief themselves, it might be okay. But if they haven’t, this phrase can feel invalidating.
Silence. The fear of saying the wrong thing sometimes leads people to say nothing at all — but that can feel like their loss is being ignored or erased. Even a simple, “I don’t know what to say, but I’m so sorry,” is better than avoiding the topic altogether.
What to do instead
If you catch yourself about to say one of these phrases, pause. Instead of offering solutions or explanations, focus on acknowledging their pain and offering support. Something as simple as, “I’m so sorry. I’m here for you,” can mean the world to someone grieving.
And if you’ve already said something you regret? It’s never too late to go back and say, “I realize that what I said earlier might not have been helpful, and I’m really sorry. I just want you to know I care.” A little humility and kindness go a long way.
10 ways to help someone after a miscarriage (beyond words)
While saying the right thing is important, what you do can be even more meaningful. Miscarriage is not just an emotional loss, it can also be physically exhausting and isolating. Your loved one might be recovering from medical procedures, dealing with hormone shifts, and navigating a rollercoaster of emotions, all while feeling like the world expects them to “move on.”
This is where real, tangible support makes a difference. Instead of just saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” try showing up in specific, thoughtful ways.
1. Acknowledge their loss
Don’t pretend it didn’t happen. Even a simple text—“I’m thinking of you and I’m so sorry for your loss”—can make them feel seen. Mark important dates, like their due date or the anniversary of their miscarriage, and check in on those days.
💙 Caring For Your Grief from Lama Rod Owens is a meditation series to help you better understand loss (and how to navigate it).
2. Offer specific, practical help
Grief can make even the smallest tasks feel overwhelming. Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” offer concrete help:
“I’d love to drop off a meal — would tomorrow work?”
“I’m heading to the store — can I grab anything for you?”
“Would you like me to watch the kids for a few hours so you can rest?”
The more specific your offer, the more likely they are to accept it.
3. Give them permission to grieve however they need
There’s no “right” way to grieve a miscarriage. Some people want to talk about it, while others don’t. Some want to get back to their routine quickly, while others need time to process. Let them know that whatever they’re feeling is okay.
If they cry, let them cry. If they need to vent, listen. Don’t be surprised if they seem fine one day and devastated the next. That’s very normal.
Grief isn’t linear. Let them take the lead.
4. Check in — again and again
Many people show support in the immediate aftermath, but then life moves on. However, grief doesn’t follow that schedule. Weeks or even months later, they might still be struggling. A simple “Just thinking about you today — how are you doing?” can mean the world.
💙 Dr. Joanna Cacciatore, PhD, explores loss in her Grieving series, and gives tips on reframing grief and how to sit with it.
5. Respect their boundaries, but don’t disappear
If they don’t want to talk or need space, that’s okay — but don’t assume that means they don’t want to hear from you at all. Even a no-pressure text like, “No need to respond, just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you,” keeps the door open for when they’re ready.
6. Help them honor their loss (if they want to)
Some people find comfort in marking the pregnancy in a meaningful way. If they express interest, you could:
Send a small memorial gift, like a candle or a piece of jewelry
Help them plant a tree or flowers
Offer to go with them to a miscarriage support group if they’re interested
Just follow their lead — some will want to do something special, while others may not.
7. Support their partner, too
It’s so easy to think about mothers who have suffered miscarriage but their partners probably also had dreams for the future and excitement over the pregnancy. Don’t forget that partners grieve miscarriage as well, and in some cases they may also feel a sense of helplessness that the person they love has just gone through something both physically and emotionally distressing.
If you’re close to the partner, check in with a simple, “How are you holding up?” They might not get that question as often as they should.
8. Encourage professional support if needed
If they’re struggling deeply—experiencing prolonged depression, anxiety, or withdrawal—it might be helpful to suggest professional support. Consider saying something like, “I know miscarriage can be very hard, and I just want you to know that if you ever want to talk to a therapist or find a support group, I’d be happy to help you find one.”
9. Be mindful of pregnancy and baby talk
If you’re pregnant or have kids, it doesn’t mean you need to avoid those topics entirely — but be mindful of how and when you bring it up. If you need to tell them that you’re expecting, try doing so in a text message so they don’t feel pressure to respond.
10. Don’t expect them to “get over it” on a timeline
Grief doesn’t come with an expiration date. Some people will start to feel okay after a few weeks, but for others, the pain lingers much longer. Avoid phrases like “Are you feeling better yet?” or “You’ll be back to yourself soon.” Instead, let them know they can take all the time they need.
How to comfort someone who had a miscarriage FAQs
How can I talk to someone about their pregnancy loss?
The best approach is to follow their lead. Some people want to talk openly about their miscarriage, while others may not be ready — and may never want to discuss it in detail. Let them know you’re available to listen without pressuring them to share. A simple, “I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m here if you ever want to talk,” creates space for them to open up when they’re ready. If they do share, resist the urge to offer solutions or silver linings. Instead, listen with empathy, acknowledge their pain, and validate whatever they’re feeling.
Is it okay to talk about my own pregnancy or children around someone who had a miscarriage?
It depends on the person and the timing. Some people may find comfort in being around children or hearing about pregnancy, while others may find it deeply painful — especially in the early stages of grief. If you’re unsure, be sensitive and acknowledge their loss first.
You might say something like, “We don’t have to discuss pregnancy/kids right now.” Giving them permission to set boundaries allows them to protect their emotions without feeling like they’re being rude or overly sensitive.
What if I said the wrong thing after a miscarriage?
First of all, don’t panic. Most people don’t intentionally say hurtful things — it happens because miscarriage is such a difficult and emotional topic. If you realize that something you said may have come across as dismissive or unhelpful, the best thing you can do is acknowledge it.
A simple, “I realize that what I said might not have been the most helpful, and I’m so sorry. I care about you and just want to support you in the right way,” can go a long way. Owning your mistake is far better than avoiding the person out of guilt.
How do I support my partner through a miscarriage?
If your partner has experienced a miscarriage, they need both emotional and practical support. Acknowledge their grief, let them express their feelings without judgment, and remind them that they don’t have to go through it alone.
Physical recovery can also be difficult, so offering to take over household responsibilities, arrange meals, or give them space to rest can make a big difference. At the same time, don’t ignore your own emotions — miscarriage can be heartbreaking for both partners.
If you’re struggling, consider seeking support together, whether that’s with a therapist, a support group, or just honest conversations with each other. The most important thing is to stay connected and navigate the grief as a team.
What are some condolences I can share for someone who had a miscarriage?
The most meaningful condolences are simple and heartfelt. A handwritten note, a thoughtful text, or even just saying, “I’m so sorry. I’m here for you,” can be incredibly comforting. If you want to go beyond words, consider sending a small token of remembrance, like a candle, flowers, or a care package with comforting items.
If they are open to it, acknowledging important dates—like their due date or the anniversary of their miscarriage—can also show that their loss hasn’t been forgotten. The key is to let them know that their grief is valid, their pregnancy mattered, and they are not alone.
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